Consider that dating has not only moved into the 21st century, but that online dating has allowed people to meet each other inside an ever-widening circle of choices.
A couple of clicks of the mouse and you can meet someone from any state, country, or sexual preference. A couple more clicks and now you can start meeting those whose interests, hobbies, emotional make-up and lifestyles are a match for you. So, what could be easier? Well, for starters, when you are seriously searching for a relationship, it is the very variety of choices that presents the most difficulty.
So, setting the topic of defining love aside for a later discussion, we ask the question: what is a suitable scale based on common interests, values, goals, lifestyles, tastes, desires, needs and ideals? Remember, everyone comes into a relationship with their own set of values and because of that, all possible partners would fit somewhere within the range of “ideal suitability.”
There are perhaps a dozen or so potential partners in the entire world with whom a long-term relationship would be ideal. However, there are some skeptics who even doubt that in all of history, except for movies and fairy tales, such a union has actually taken place. Nonetheless, due to the slim odds of actually meeting someone fitting this range, let us turn to the next stage on the scale: unusual suitability.
Here is something much more possible. Where the first scale applied to only a dozen or so possibilities, this category includes a few hundred choices. And were it not for the internet’s online dating services, there would have been scant opportunity for ever meeting anyone fitting this category. So, if you are fortunate enough to connect with someone here, do not pass over him or her for something transitory like sex appeal. Keep in mind that if sex appeal were the most important consideration in forming meaningful relationships, then Hollywood film couples would be amazingly successful.
High suitability. This phrase refers to a person who would be better adapted to a happy and satisfactory relationship. Before the Internet, one way of accomplishing this would have been to join particular groups and activities to which such a person would naturally be attracted. However, if such a group was not readily available or did not have enough unattached members to make joining worthwhile, the only option left was to move in the hopes that there would be enough choices to make moving worthwhile.
Good suitability. While “highly suitable” applies to only two to three percent of the population, this category applies to ten to fifteen percent. For anyone searching for a long-lasting relationship, this is where the line in the sand should be drawn. This category means that while you may not have a great deal in common, what you do have in common is enough to sustain the relationship. And what you do not have in common is not so divergent as to cause major clashes.
Reasonable suitability. Most normal people could get along with most other normal people reasonably well. In this category, if your expectations with each other are limited, you should be OK - as long as you realize that many arguments will ensue in rather short order.
Possible suitability. In this classification, we have those who are good material, but not suitable for each other. In other words, they may be a great fit for someone else, but, due to your proclivities, not for you. Should you get involved with such a person, the relationship would be a serious strain on both of you. Physical attraction plays a great part in choosing someone in this category. However, as soon as that wears out - and it will - major disagreements follow.
Basic unsuitability. Need I say more? But it is somewhat surprising how many make life choices in this category. She pouts cutely. He or she has a great ass. The pout, no matter how appealing, could mean emotional instability, and that great ass is guaranteed to sag. Therefore, unless you are a basic neurotic, with all of the choices the Internet allows, why would you even consider choosing from this category? Because the end results of these types of relationships can often be tragic, even if you are neurotic, just don’t do it. Instead, get professional help.
Think of it this way; regardless of all the psychological complexities in defining behavior patterns, neurotic behavior is, nevertheless, simply an exaggeration of normal behavior and, as such, a bit of cognitive therapy can work wonders.
