Suddenly Single

There you are, leading a happy life with your spouse, 2.5 kids, medium-sized dog, sporty 4-door car and "top of the line" minivan when all of the sudden, POOF! You need a date…for the first time in 10-25 years.

Surprise!!! Things in the dating scene have changed to the point where you will probably not even recognize them anymore. Men have developed the feelings women always wanted them to have and women have turned into sexual beings with morals so low they are hardly noticeable. Just a few years ago, when we were happy family folk, our single male friends were looking for women willing to have the elusive "no strings attached" sex, and our single female friends were looking for men who weren't afraid to show their feelings… while having the elusive "no strings attached" sex.

Everyone knows that dating sucks, that is a simple fact of life. You have to jump through hoops, deal with games you thought you were done with in the 10th grade, and sell yourself like you did to get your current job.

Then there is the issue of locating the people you’d be willing to date. They probably won't be in the same places you are accustomed to going with the family. There is the odd segregation that occurs between single and married people. An unspoken rule or code that married and single cannot occupy the same space. You could go out the local clubs, but remember, you will find what is most prevailing in each location.

Let me explain: You go to a club to "hook up", right? Does it seem possible that the other people in the club are there to "hook up" too? It is possible my ass, IT'S A FACT! If you are looking to have a relationship, you just should not go to a club to find it, in much the same way as you should not go to your church to hook up. It’s about the right time and the right place. So, where do you meet new people?

Since most of you reading this have already purchased music, food, gifts, auction items and everything else from the Internet, this should not shock you. Get a date online! There are countless services to help you find your new friend, date, and mate. Personally, using the Internet, I have met the woman of my dreams a few times! Hey, you don't need to have the same dream every night, do you? Granted, I have met a few hygiene-challenged, socially inept, morally bankrupt stalker types too. I guess even a psycho needs love and, for a monthly fee, they can find new people to obsess over. The best way to play the online dating game is to play it safe. Fellas, I am not only talking to the ladies. You don't want a Glenn Close character in your life boiling your pets.

The Rules

Use a CURRENT photo for online dating. If you use a photo of yourself in your prime and your prime has passed, the person you meet will not recognize you.

Make your profile interesting enough for people to WANT to read and contact you, but not an outright lie.

E-mail & chat will help you weed out the obvious unholy relationship disasters. Try to learn something more about them than their favorite color and drinking habits.

You want that first meeting to be in a public place to keep both of you well within your comfort zone.

Be yourself. If you are stuffy and stuck up, go with it. If you are a walking sitcom go with it.

NEVER, EVER, EVER answer any question with the words "I DO" unless you are damned sure you do! (Even the simple ones… like “do you smoke?” The answer isn't "I DO.” The answer is “YES.”)

Warning Signs

Comments like "my children need a new daddy/mommy" should trigger every warning light on the dashboard in your head. Do not wonder whether or not those little lights are working…if you see them lit, THEY ARE!

Taking someone new to "the place my ex and I used to always go,” means my ex may be there also and I want to rub his or her nose in the fact that I am with someone else.

If, after walking into a club, he/she goes through a receiving line of hugs and kisses on the way in and out, the question for him/her is do you leave here often?

Do not be a car snob, but don’t be stupid either. If you think, "Hmmm, he drives a big van with blacked out windows with a roll of duct tape, rope and a pillowcase on the floor, I wonder what he does for a living?" Baby, it is not what he does for a living that you should be concerned about.