Countless times, individuals want to hold on to a love that is not healthy because of the many years invested in it. They say things like “we’ve been together for all these years, why leave?”

Sometimes people stay in a bad relationship because it looks good to the outside world or because they are unsure what life would be like without their mate. However, in their hearts, they long to experience a truly fulfilling love.

I held on to an unhealthy relationship for 7 years before I came to the realization that it was not worth it to hang on any longer. The first year was the good year and the rest were off and on, and filled with disrespect, dishonesty, and emotional abuse. I held on because we had one thing in common, and I thought it was enough to make a future. I honestly believed we loved each other and that we would end up married. I was wrong, and once I began to experience real love, I realized that I had held on to an empty dream for years.

The term “unhealthy relationship” is thrown around so freely, by so many, that I feel compelled to explain what I mean by this term. I mean consistent destructive, abusive, disrespectful, unsupportive, uncaring, and demoralizing behavior. I mean the kind of deeds that make you feel apprehensive about having your partner around your friends and family, for fear of humiliation or embarrassment. I mean constant withdrawal and abandonment, and loveless actions and responses.

What happens in an unhealthy relationship is not to be confused with the constant minor annoyances within a healthy relationship. Nor the brief phases through which partners go, which to put distance between them. There are aspects of love that do cause minor hurt and aggravation, but may not warrant leaving a gratifying relationship. We may not like or even admit it, but love can hurt. We are imperfect beings, so we tend to have personality issues which we bring into the relationships we have with other imperfect beings. This often results in minor bickering, power struggles, and hurt feelings. However, mature adults who see value in their relationships talk over these problems and eventually work them out. They usually grow closer and develop a keen sense of understanding.

There is a difference between an unhealthy relationship and a healthy relationship with normal human clashing. If you are unsure of the kind of relationship or friendship you are in, evaluate it, and pray for discernment.

Ask yourself these questions: