Give Me My Sin Again

I am a single man who has danced with being single most of his adult life. In the course of this dally, naturally I developed a wayward, roving eye; it just seemed to happen from puberty upward. Peeks were synonymous with unintentional thought.

Whenever a woman happened across me, it was like:

I see breast ... sneak a peek.

I see legs ... sneak a peek.

I see a nice booty ... sneak a peek.

I see a mini skirt... all-out drool.

Stolen glances were my daily fantasies (mental excursions, if I may). Although I knew it would never amount to more than a distant, private ogle, it was something surreally alluring.

However, that all changed when, once again, I found myself mated. Still, the uncontrollable urge to gawk from afar and visually wander was still there. And the fresh sting of "getting the taste smacked out of your mouth" was there also.

So I learned the hard way a new sequence of events.

It was now like:

I see breast ... sneak a peek, get a smack.

I see legs ... sneak a peek, get a smack.

I see a nice booty ... sneak a peek, get a double smack (she isn’t that well-endowed).

I see a mini skirt ...do nothing but whimper (from the rib punch).

Now, I know that there are all sorts of theories on how I can avoid the lightening bolts. And let me be the first to say they don’t work (not even sunglasses, except to hide the lumps). Through bruised eyes, I noticed that other brothers suffered the same plight as me, and the trained eye understood the agony that beheld my brethren. But there is something about the way the wind hits a mini skirt that gives you hope. I seemed to notice that the aerobic workouts were finally paying off for her slaps improved with aim, speed and force (I wonder if the name of the aerobic class was "Slap A Brotherobics").

It was almost as if my stolen glances were the forbidden fruit, the original sin (and such a painful one). However - call me "dumb" - although I knew the outcome, I thought I could wage the odds and win. Momma didn’t tell me that women had "Yo’ ass BETTER not look at her" radar. And, as I learned from the growing amount of steaks I had to use for my eyes, my diversionary tactics were old and outdated. Sometimes, I would smile in triumph and awe when a brother successfully snuck a glance and mourn the punishment of those who failed.

However, sometimes your mate entices you to look. She may trap you by asking questions about a woman you obviously wish to gawk at. I learned the appropriate responses to questions like that REAL quick. First, never respond when asked by her if you think the other woman is pretty.

Second, never go beyond what your woman has when asked, "What do you like in a woman?”

After time, you will follow my answers; they are without failure.

If she asks, "Do you think she is pretty?" answer "I don’t know."

If she asks, "Do you like the outfit she has on?" answer "I don’t know."

If she asks, "Are you afraid to answer, because you are afraid of what might happen to you?" answer "I don’t know".

One has to be careful when one is in a relationship or one will be by oneself.

So, in closing, although I love my mate dearly, I must profess that is if a roving eye is a sin, then give me my sin.