After consoling my friend over another failed relationship and noticing her patterns of self-destructive behavior, it dawned on me how a woman can really turn a sweet thing sour. As I watched her devastation swivel into rage, as she paced back and forth reciting “all she’s done for him,” (but not mentioning how often she threw it back in his face and all he graciously did for her, like raising a child that wasn’t his) she knew she had no one else to blame but herself. During the end of their brief love affair, he lost interest, cheated and then left her. Now, here she is, looking like a hot mess with not enough rent for the month. So I couldn’t help but wonder, other than acting like a bitch 24/7, what are the biggest mistakes women make in relationships? I asked thirty men that very question. I didn’t ask any thugs or clowns, but good, hard-working men. Most were single, four were married, and all were within the ages of 21-35. Hell, I even asked my ex to see where I had gone wrong, and the responses surprised me.
The number one complaint was nagging. Let’s face it, no one likes to be nagged and if they did, everyone would still be living with their mothers. If you have to mention anything more than once and he heard you the first time, obviously he’s not trying to “hear” you at all.
The second mistakes are jumping to conclusions and “asking too many damn questions.’
Say, for instance, his normal routine changes all of the sudden, or you see him being a little too friendly to another woman; don’t assume. Keep your emotions at bay by not arguing or confronting the matter and re-evaluate the situation. There is no need to cross-examine him; if a man wants you to know something, he will tell you. If he doesn’t, then you have a problem. Besides, most questions don’t even need to be asked.
Trust your intuition.
The third mistake deals with the trifling behaviors of drama, jealousy and shadiness.
First, to all you drama queens (you know who you are), keep that mess out of your relationships. The same goes to your drama-induced friends and family, who tend to stick their noses where they don’t belong. If you are not getting a “Best Supporting Actress” award, leave it at the door. And the same applies to jealousy. Insecurities play a major role in relationships, whether you realize they do or not, so don’t let past baggage ruin a new kinship. Oftentimes, we measure ourselves against other women, but we fail to recognize our own value. Find yours; don’t let it destroy you. Shadiness needs no clarification. Don’t lie, cheat or steal from him - karma is a mutha’!
Another downfall we women sometimes have, when we get pissed off, is that we spasm out and say the most insensitive words we can conjure up. We create unrealistic expectations of how a relationship should have been, and we expect our man to change to something different than when we met them. We try to become teachers when we should be learners.
Well, all of these mistakes are fixable. Just don’t lose a good man over them.
