How Fat is Fat?

I am commonly called a BBBW, a Big Black Beautiful Woman. Throughout my lifetime I have been dealt many titles and labels, and hardly any of them were befitting in their depiction. I am 5' 11" 190 pounds, and have never known just what category I belong in. I am without bulges, cellulite or anything that would readily associate me with being fat but I am big. I cannot go and merely purchase clothing; I have to find some place that accommodates my needs for clothing. Not because I am fat but because I am well rounded and large, I am not an "ordinary" size.

So what is fat?

I have seen women without an ounce of fat on their bodies and still wear sizes not considered to be "normal". Is the woman that gained weight as a result of giving birth considered fat? Or the woman that stays home and tends to children, devoid of outside activities because of her responsibilities, considered fat? Men sometimes use "fat" as a controlling mechanism, a form of dependency based on inadequacy. I could never begin to tell you the subtleties suffered by women because of weight. No matter what the size, eventually it’s not good enough. There is always something more you can do, be it gaining or losing weight. Society has hypnotized women into forever trying to maintain youth and being envious of those that have it. Society has put us on a veritable roller coaster of weight lost and weight gain, never really choosing sides. Shakespeare once wrote, " Beware of the green eyed monster envy, for it mocks the meat it devours". I believe the same practice applies to our mates. It's odd how you can be the exact same person as the day you meet a person, but when the years pile up, all of the sudden you are not good enough. Most warrant it to changes of preference; however this is not change but manipulation and control. Some would argue that it's a mate's responsibility to give tactful encouragement and direction, however altering and enhancing is two different things. Men have no idea what it takes for a woman to first of all come to the terms that she is overweight, let alone taking the appropriate steps towards losing it and lastly, sticking to the weight maintenance plan, condemned for the remainder of her days tallying calories and fat intake. Society is not kind at all to overweight individuals. Often we are put in the "outsider" "alternative lifestyle" department, which is a condemnation. Instead of lovers you get friends, instead of respect you get stigmatism. You are readily and frequently made fun of at the drop of a hat, without the least consideration towards injurious insult.

Men sometimes-express reverence towards big women and their sensuality, however if you go to a strip club, all the lap dances go to the petite. When you go to the adult video stores it's the pencil thin stars videotapes that are carefully hidden under their arms at the checkout line. Men sometimes want the big behinds and gigantic breast, but won't attach those attributes to stretch marks, cellulite and the eventual sag that comes with them. In some cases large women are either met with lust or disgust. Lust when they are used only for sex and disgust when they are in public. A tragedy...

We as a community need to commence in honest dialogue, and dispense with the euphemistic "garden of Eden" harmonic society. We need to stop building hope on something that is primordial and basic. The dishonest acceptance confuses issues and distorts sentiments. Media also plays a major role in the "Divine Comedy". Public figures like Starr Jones, Oprah, Roseanne, Elizabeth Taylor and others all venerate how their weight is not a problem, publicly or socially, however they fluctuate yearly both up and down the scale, continually recommend diets and spend extravagant hordes of money on personal trainers. Dishonest acceptance...

I think that if it weren't for these falsely laid paths women would be more comfortable with who and what they are. It's similar to racism; it was better when bigotry was forthright than as it is now ... hidden.