Kings and Queens

Last night, I wrote a letter to myself, a letter that drew from the depths of my being.

You left our home without reason, without justification, without closure. Angry words lead to angry actions, actions that may never be taken back, only forgiven. Our words were our weapons of choice and our duel was a long time coming. Now you are absent from our nightly gatherings, leaving me with only your scent, which my nostrils strain to remember.

We were two warring clouds, cursing the sunshine. Honest to our contempt, lavished in ourselves, our heated words lost their fire from the second sentence. And yet neither would concede to defeat. Neither would yield, though we both knew our anger was misguided.

But I am your King as you are my Queen.

And as your king I must rule, and as a subject of the crown, you must serve the crown. Your titles, your rules, your idea. I hated that phrase from the first utterance.

"King"

I am no King, I am a man - your man. And you are no Queen, you are a woman - my woman. And we never needed to label or categorize ourselves. We needed no validation but our love.

You said you felt I needed to be a King, after being broken down by the world. But my strength must be mine to command, and to rule my mate would only further a long-standing myth.

As a black man, I need to be concentrated, not diluted. If the toils of struggle mass heavily against me, I need your support, not submission. I never wanted sovereignty, only partnership.

Somewhere we dangle gingerly amongst the concept of being King and Queen, along with all of this concept’s associations. And although a man needs to be a hero sometimes, that honor must be won through victory in life, not in its defeat.

You argued that after being browbeaten by the world, a black man should come home to an environment where he can feel like someone special: A KING. However, this does more harm than good and only allows the failure to perpetuate, not heal. And a black man needs to heal by acknowledging his faults, not excusing them.

I only wanted to be your man; A King reigns supreme while the Queen is only a secondary ruler. And, in my life, you can never be second to anything.