Q.

I would like to thank the writer of “Confessions of a Wanna-be Player’. I teach a class for Grace Centers for Hope in Michigan. The men that I speak to are former drug users and some are homeless. The subject brought forth in this piece is exactly the topics we discuss: Emotions may not be universally central to men, but they are essential - and not recognizing them can be destructive. How do I make these guys recognize that they can move forward toward productive and satisfying relationships.

A.

After reading ’Confessions of a Wanna-be Player’, I have come to believe that the gender of the main character is irrelevant in light of the content. To say that it is gender and not the individual lack showing their emotions, only perpetuates a common problem in the understanding of genders. Men and women do not express their emotions differently, people do. A woman can be just as closed and armored as a man can.

What makes this selection so excellent is the honesty of identifying ones substitutes for reality and the process we go through to insulate ourselves against pain. The writer questions the veracity of courtship and our motivations to love. It reflects on how we sometimes become absorbed in our pain to such a point, that it is the only thing we are comfortable with - the disguise of our true nature and our thirst for revenge.

I think you have to make those in your class concentrate on seeing themselves as free-thinking individuals. Therefore, as free thinking individuals we must understand that we can only present solutions to an individual, the choice to partake in this change for the better is up to them, when they feel the time is right. No one can make that life choice for them.